Blogger Awards

Hi all. Just thought I would take a few minutes to discuss blogger awards.

Firstly I would like to thank all those who have nominated me for various awards, it is very encouraging to feel that what you are doing is appreciated and that someone gets enough out of your work to think you deserve recognition for what you do. When the first one arrived I was actually stunned, my work is mostly ramblings. At the time I was very busy and trying to deal with changes in my life, changes as my medication settled, changes to where I live, changes in my work, etc., so the award got sidelined until I could give it my proper attention.

Over the ensuing weeks that dragged into months, I received more and more nominations for various awards. Now I had a problem, I was starting to feel overwhelmed, not by the generosity of the the people to nominate me for the awards but by what it involved to accept the award…I shut down, I deliberately started to ignore them, I just couldn’t face what I had to do to be a part of it. Now all of you would know that it doesn’t in fact take that much work, but you see I struggle with the concept of listing off people to receive the award when everyone out there who is sharing their journey, letting others see their ups and downs, using this medium to get things out, all deserve the awards, and the ‘worst’ ones (not that there is any such thing, but you know what I mean) probably deserve the most awards because it is probably much much harder for them to express themselves.

I’m rambling again… So where’s this going? Well I have come to the conclusion that I will not be accepting, that is displaying, any blogger nominated awards. Feel free to nominate me if you think I am worthy (it does feel good to receive the nominations), but be aware that I won’t be passing them on or displaying them.

I hope I haven’t offended anyone saying this but this is ‘my’ journey and I need to feel right about what I am doing. I really do appreciate all the nominations for awards, thank you so much. Also, could you let me know what you think? Clearly I don’t have all the answers so it would be interesting for me to get your view.

Today 10

Wow! I can’t believe how fast time is going. Just a quick update.

I am still holding my own with the depression…yoohoo! Actually I think I have just been so busy that I have probably broken some cycle or other. My job is really good and I have been doing probably one day a week of overtime. I am also building furniture again…this time for ourselves, a “day bed” that can be a single, two singles or a double. Should be good. With the change in the weather, getting warmer, it is soon going to be time to get active in the garden as well. Oh yeah, I also made some shortbread the other day.

Been doing a few family things as well…suppose to be playing golf this Sunday with my sons.

My wife has been making some new meals recently and they have been a great success, and tasty…yum!

I am still working on some other posts but they haven’t gone far, slack!

Well that’s it for now, take care all

Depression: The Black Dog has become a transient visitor?

black dog

Yes I am pleased to say that my old ‘friend’ the Black Dog has become only a transient visitor, here today gone tomorrow…kind of! So since my previous post on this subject, Has anyone seen a Black Dog, things have settled some more. The depression has been back, but really nothing to overly concern me. Mornings are the time when I am most likely to feel flat but providing I get myself up and going I usually break the cycle, and since my new job requires me to be up at 4.30am five days a week, I am fairly well covered.

The other helpful thing about my new job is that at no time am I able to just drift off and dwell in my thoughts. I am either trying to maneuver a bus through heavy traffic or around inner suburban streets, or I am interacting with the passengers as they come and go. All round my mind is well occupied…this is so different from my previous office job that had become totally boring and something I could do in my sleep (or in a state of depression).

office sleeper

So all round I am feeling a lot stronger, a lot more positive. On bad days I can face them knowing that I can manage, and still feel a sense of accomplishment and, if I can make somebody else’s day a bit better then it’s still been a good day.

I am still on my medication and at this point I don’t see myself coming off it for a while, I am just not that sure of how strong I really am. Also, I have been getting out a bit more recently and my wife has detected some of my ‘old’, ‘odd’ behaviors, so one step at a time. The other thing that does concern me about coming off the meds is, what happens if I start to slip and that triggers anxiety attacks, I do not want to go back there!

So what’s the moral of this story? Depression/mental illness is not something that will necessarily leave you, even with treatment. Treatment however can make a big difference but it takes time as well as trial and error, but don’t give up. Always look for ways within your life that can help you…get a new job, something you like rather than something that pays well or has some prestige to it. Help others, not just by social media but by getting out and getting involved, have that interaction with others – even if this means some kind of group therapy where you can use your experience to assist others.

I know I still have a long way to go and that I am still going to have bad times, but right now I am feeling liberated from that old dog, he’s still there but he doesn’t have the hold that he did, he’s not tearing me down and making even my good days bad….let’s hope I still feel the same tomorrow!!!! (Just joking)

Today (9)

Wow have I fallen off the page or what! With my new job (which is going great) and life falling into a pattern around that, I am just not getting to much at all. My blog has been neglected and my emails at last count were pushing three hundred! So I thought I would give a quick update so everyone knows that I am still alive.

As from my previous posts my overall state has been much better. I continue to have fog free days, or at least big parts of the day, and I am feeling much happier. On the down side, it isn’t consistent one way or the other and I do get a bit annoyed that it doesn’t just get better and better. Still I am a long way from where I use to be, and that’s progress.

I am planning to take it a bit easier with my blog over the next few months. I will try to keep updates happening and an occasional story as I find the time, I just don’t want to undo the progress I have made by feeling pressure to keep up producing. As I read good posts elsewhere I will try to get them on as well. If any of you would like to do a guest post for me that would also be great.

Just been checking some of my blog stats and was quite surprised to find that I have readers in over thirty countries, this post makes eighty nine posts, my first post was on 7 September last year. It’s been a busy year so maybe a break is in order.

So I will leave it at that for now, take care all and just keep writing….

Today! – On the buses

Well today was the first day where I had to do my routes properly with a trainer just there to offer assistance if I got into trouble…no problems, I nailed it, didn’t miss any stops, didn’t miss any turns, didn’t injure or maime anyone. I was very pleased with myself.

The trainer was also very impressed because I didn’t get ‘rattled’ at any point, despite have lots of ‘interesting’ things to deal with. The toughest was when a group of disabled people got on with their carers. One in a wheelchair who was completely dependent on his carer. It took us ten minutes to get them on and settled…that was the end of keeping to my timed stops! Anyhow it was one of those incidents that they talk about extensively in your training but often never happens as most of these groups have their own transport system, this groups mini bus had broken down. But now I have done it, seen how it works and will always be able to say “yeah yeah I’ve done that” when it comes up in future training sessions.

Well that was yesterday and today went even better, all training complete and as from tomorrow I am on my own…yoohoo!

No incidents at all today, just a lot of paperwork at the end that I had to sign…this is just to say that I acknowledge that they have taught me everything and it is my fault if I forget something, usual stuff.

I am feeling really good today, no blues or fog, let’s hope it lasts hey. Well keep your eyes open for updates!